I don't want to go to school!

This morning, on my way to work, I saw a little boy, about four or five being dragged to school by her mum. She held a stick by her hand and would consequently spank the little one who was crying at the top of his voice. In between sobs and screams, he repeatedly said, "I don't want to go to school! I don't want to sit with Kamau! " What i decoded was that Kamau is a bully, and the only way the boy could respond to the threat was....avoid school; which makes a lot of sense but of course the mum didn't listen; she kept on spanking him, telling him to keep quiet.

I quickly related with him. When i was his age, i was exactly like him, only that my 'Kamau' was a mentally incapacitated big boy who would always wait for me at the gate, eat my snacks and beat me up. I was tiny and defenseless, and maybe that's why he always picked on me. He couldn't be punished because he was a special kid so that meant that my threat was there to stay. That made me hate school. I dreaded waking up in the morning to go to school because I associated it with Wanyoike, my special bully.

Back to the little boy. I almost knew what was waiting for him in school and I feared for him. I almost snatched the stick from the mother's hand. I really wanted to give her a piece of my mind...but who was I, a mere stranger trapped in the thoughts of her childhood. I doubt the mother even listened to him. Did she want to know why the poor child didn't want to go to school? Of course many kids hate school, but this one was not just a normal hatred for school. I was a hundred percent sure. 

The case is simple. The child felt unsafe, exposed and afraid. The solution is also simple. He needed to be assured that the mother would protect him, maybe by talking to the teacher about Kamau or even promising talk to the bully. He needed to know that everything would be okay.

Consequently, what bullying does to children is that it instills fear into their guts, causing them to be cowardly and the result is a child with low self-esteem. They grow up knowing that they are insufficient to conquer threats facing them and instead of confronting challenges in the future, the first resolve is to run and avoid.

Bullying affects kids negatively, in that most of them will sulk into depression and anxiety. Their social skills are challenged. They end up being loners, not wanting to interact with others. At its worst, bullying instils suicidal thoughts into children and if the problem is not addressed, they end up committing suicide. The risk worsens when the kid is not supported by the parents, peers or even teachers in school.

In my case, my siblings were embarrassed of me. Who wants to be at the centre of such a scene, anyway? That did not make the situation better. I felt misunderstood and alone. As little as i was, sometimes i skived school and hid in the bush...only to go back home when the rest are out of school.

So, to you parents and caretakers; please seek to understand your kids. If they are reluctant to do something, get to know why. Again, always affirm them. Assure them that they are good enough, that they're important and that they are sufficient enough to conquer every threat that comes their way. This builds their confidence and self-esteem. Twenty years later, you will look at them and say, "It was worth it."