I don't want to go to school!

This morning, on my way to work, I saw a little boy, about four or five being dragged to school by her mum. She held a stick by her hand and would consequently spank the little one who was crying at the top of his voice. In between sobs and screams, he repeatedly said, "I don't want to go to school! I don't want to sit with Kamau! " What i decoded was that Kamau is a bully, and the only way the boy could respond to the threat was....avoid school; which makes a lot of sense but of course the mum didn't listen; she kept on spanking him, telling him to keep quiet.

I quickly related with him. When i was his age, i was exactly like him, only that my 'Kamau' was a mentally incapacitated big boy who would always wait for me at the gate, eat my snacks and beat me up. I was tiny and defenseless, and maybe that's why he always picked on me. He couldn't be punished because he was a special kid so that meant that my threat was there to stay. That made me hate school. I dreaded waking up in the morning to go to school because I associated it with Wanyoike, my special bully.

Back to the little boy. I almost knew what was waiting for him in school and I feared for him. I almost snatched the stick from the mother's hand. I really wanted to give her a piece of my mind...but who was I, a mere stranger trapped in the thoughts of her childhood. I doubt the mother even listened to him. Did she want to know why the poor child didn't want to go to school? Of course many kids hate school, but this one was not just a normal hatred for school. I was a hundred percent sure. 

The case is simple. The child felt unsafe, exposed and afraid. The solution is also simple. He needed to be assured that the mother would protect him, maybe by talking to the teacher about Kamau or even promising talk to the bully. He needed to know that everything would be okay.

Consequently, what bullying does to children is that it instills fear into their guts, causing them to be cowardly and the result is a child with low self-esteem. They grow up knowing that they are insufficient to conquer threats facing them and instead of confronting challenges in the future, the first resolve is to run and avoid.

Bullying affects kids negatively, in that most of them will sulk into depression and anxiety. Their social skills are challenged. They end up being loners, not wanting to interact with others. At its worst, bullying instils suicidal thoughts into children and if the problem is not addressed, they end up committing suicide. The risk worsens when the kid is not supported by the parents, peers or even teachers in school.

In my case, my siblings were embarrassed of me. Who wants to be at the centre of such a scene, anyway? That did not make the situation better. I felt misunderstood and alone. As little as i was, sometimes i skived school and hid in the bush...only to go back home when the rest are out of school.

So, to you parents and caretakers; please seek to understand your kids. If they are reluctant to do something, get to know why. Again, always affirm them. Assure them that they are good enough, that they're important and that they are sufficient enough to conquer every threat that comes their way. This builds their confidence and self-esteem. Twenty years later, you will look at them and say, "It was worth it."

Let Them Play

I consider it a privilege to have grown up in a rural setting. I can describe it as the most adventurous season of my lifetime, so far. I got a chance to be a child. I played every game that kids play in the upcountry. I landed into trouble countless times and got badly spanked which wasn't fun but it always taught me new lessons. Trust me, if your curiosity did not land you into trouble, you did not enjoy your childhood.

During the holidays, my older siblings would cook, wash and probably do most of the tough chores.We  children, on the other hand, would go watch after the cattle or be sent around, which i enjoyed because we would play to and fro. Countless times we would go to the shop and forget what we had gone fetch or even lose the money on our way. That was part of growing up.

I enjoyed taking our cow 'Meni' to graze. We had a number of sheep that we had given names. We would take them to the fields every morning and pick them up in the evening. My mum had taught us how to make ropes out of sisal so each one of us had a responsibility of making one for 'her' sheep every now and then.

We learnt how to create things. I think that is where the artist in me was born. I loved to make dolls out of pieces of sponge, paper bags and string and get the hair from sheep's fur. Then we would make some clothes for them. We would also model with clay, draw, make houses with sticks, make bin bags, make necklaces out of maize and beans, play all sorts of games...i mean, there was always something fun to do.

Most of the evenings were story times. We would watch our greatewall TV at night, but that did not affect our family moments. After a long day, we would sit together over supper and  laugh for the better part.

Today, things are totally different. Kids no longer have a chance to explore and adventure. Their time is mostly dominated by play station, Television, endless school sessions and homework, smart phones...it is crazy! We are bringing up a generation of tech gurus who have no sense of responsibility. Almost every urban household has a house help meaning that children neither assist with house chores nor do they go out to play to discover their talents and capabilities. Parents on the other hand are too busy to even spend time with the kids and offer guidance.

What am trying to say is that the current style of upbringing has overlooked the importance of play in a child's development. Play helps a child to build confidence, develop social skills, language and communication, learn about caring for others and the environment, develop physical skills, connect and refine pathways in their brain.

So, parents, as often as you can, allow your child to go out and play. As insignificant as it seems, it will shape your child's destiny.